You could call it a writers block, of sorts.
Okay. Here it goes.
Pardon my ranting.
My brain feels dead. School is eating away at me. There are so many things that I want to do during this fall season, and yet I do not feel like rewarding myself with those activities when I can't even focus on what matters. Putting effort into my schooling. Keeping our apartment clean. Writing in my journal, reading scriptures, grocery shopping and laundry... I don't feel motivated to do any of it.
My mind doesn't want to try.
I need to figure out a method to get myself motivated again. That way, I'll feel like I deserve to take walks and play in leaves. To watch movies. To take a nap. To go look for the infamous $5,000 Provo Treasure Hunt prize that is hidden somewhere in the vicinity of the city (the clues for which are killing my brain even further).
Right now, I feel like I don't deserve to get a break because I don't put effort into what matters. And so, I beat myself up about it. And I can't help feeling that treating myself this way is not healthy. Letting myself relax should help my stress and motivation levels, right? And yet I know that I get carried away with relaxing. And so, the stress goes on.
It's a cycle that I can't seem to break. And it's only going to make things worse.
*Sorry for the "downer" post, guys! I just (obviously) needed to unload some things.