Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Lack of motivation

I've been sitting and staring at this computer screen for quite a while now. I want to write a post before going to work in half an hour... and yet, I do not know what to write.
You could call it a writers block, of sorts.
Okay. Here it goes.
Pardon my ranting.
My brain feels dead. School is eating away at me. There are so many things that I want to do during this fall season, and yet I do not feel like rewarding myself with those activities when I can't even focus on what matters. Putting effort into my schooling. Keeping our apartment clean. Writing in my journal, reading scriptures, grocery shopping and laundry... I don't feel motivated to do any of it.

My mind doesn't want to try.
Why not?

I need to figure out a method to get myself motivated again. That way, I'll feel like I deserve to take walks and play in leaves. To watch movies. To take a nap. To go look for the infamous $5,000 Provo Treasure Hunt prize that is hidden somewhere in the vicinity of the city (the clues for which are killing my brain even further).

Right now, I feel like I don't deserve to get a break because I don't put effort into what matters. And so, I beat myself up about it. And I can't help feeling that treating myself this way is not healthy. Letting myself relax should help my stress and motivation levels, right? And yet I know that I get carried away with relaxing. And so, the stress goes on.
It's a cycle that I can't seem to break. And it's only going to make things worse.

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*Sorry for the "downer" post, guys! I just (obviously) needed to unload some things.


  1. I totally understand, this is what I've been struggling with too lately. I have cycles like this and sometimes just a week offline helps. Hope it gets better for you soon, but don't beat yourself up about it!

  2. We are having some of the same issues today! You are NOT alone! Chin up and keep positive; this too will pass.



  3. This is so normal! Give yourself a little break, I find that the more I get annoyed with myself for not being productive, the worse it gets. It's okay to let some things go once in a while (laundry and cleaning!). It also helps me to make a list and prioritize the things I need to do, then give myself little rewards along the way. This won't last forever. Sending positive thoughts your way!!

  4. That definitely happens to me sometimes too - I sit down to do things and just can't quite muster the brain power. :S
    Dropping by from the GFC blog hop. :)

  5. I COMPLETELY understand how you feel! I am involved in three online schools, as well as work and blogging and homeschooling...and honestly I don't feel motivated to do anything and also, like you, feel I don't 'deserve' a break! Maybe we can get through this together, motivate each other and...give ourselves a break as well!!

    Thanks for stopping bye our little blog and leaving a comment!!

  6. We all have moments like these. Sometimes it's necessary and so refreshing to take a step back and reevaluate what's important to us. :) Sometimes that can be the BEST motiation, a reorganization.

  7. Newest follower here! I found you through the Sunday link up! Cute blog, I can’t wait to read more!

  8. Hi Ashley,

    My name is Duncan, and I am the person doing the Great Provo Treasure Hunt.

    I found your blog after doing a quick Google Search to see what people were saying about the Treasure Hunt.

    I honestly know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I get going so fast that I want nothing more than to have 90 minutes to sit on the couch and let my brain rest while I watch some mindless TV. Other times, I feel like all I do is watch TV and waste time. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere or doing anything with my life.

    To be completely honest, the Treasure Hunt was a direct result of one of those times. I had spent so much time working crazy hours in crazy places that I needed a break. Unfortunately, that break grew longer than it should have, and I started getting really down on myself. I felt guilty, useless, unmotivated and 'stranded'.

    There were so many things I wanted to do, but I couldn't get started. The Treasure Hunt was almost my way of a public declaration that I wouldn't be able to hide from. Essentially, I yelled from the rooftops to everybody that would listen exactly what I was planning on doing. If I didn't do it, I was going to look like a complete fool.

    Now, 2 months later, my productivity has tripled, people are having a blast with the Treasure Hunt, and I have started a new Real Estate project on 180 units in Park City.

    I know it is hard Ashley...but if you can get yourself started - if you can just get that momentum going, you'll be just fine.

    Just a couple of other notes on things that have helped me deal with these same problems in the past:

    1. Make a list and prioritize it
    2. Make a deal with yourself - if you get the first 2 things done on the list, you can take (and enjoy) a stress free break
    3. Pray. And when you don't feel like praying, pray to want to pray.
    4. Do one thing each day that makes you feel better about yourself
    5. You don't have to get everything done at once. Want to clean the apartment? Break it down into tasks and knock them off one by one over time.

    Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy. Two things here - 1. NOBODY is perfect, 2. Don't waste this opportunity to have joy.

    Don't get overwhelmed. Don't feel guilty. Just make a small movement in the right direction today, and you can keep going tomorrow.

    Good luck Ashley!